It’s easy to weaken our boundaries with absolutely no clue we are doing it. People with weakened boundaries often behave in ways they think is right and good, such as being humble, flexible, caring, generous, etc. However, it is easy to slip into the negative polarity of those qualities and forget our own needs and preferences for the needs of others.
My weak boundaries reflected themselves in how I used to tell the world around me that I sucked, such as:
- I couldn’t accept a compliment by just smiling and saying thank you. Instead, I had to mention how old was the sweater, how I got that dress on sale, how I hadn’t slept in 2 days, etc…
- I felt uncomfortable telling people what I do, even though I love it and I’m really good at it.
- I felt guilty for indulging in myself (personal time, projects, gifts, etc..)
- I said yes to almost everything and everyone. And if I really wanted to say no, would come up with an excuse instead of honoring my boundaries and be honest about it.
- I wouldn’t let myself be as pretty and feminine as I wanted. I didn’t want to attract attention. I didn’t splurge on great clothes as if I wasn’t worth it.
- I wouldn’t have dared choose a restaurant when asked. Though I am a very easy going person and I like pretty much everything, there was an underlying avoidance of having a preference and making it known.
- I would let unreasonable amount of work be dumped on my shoulders to the point I was doing the work of 3 people for peanuts.
What weakens our energetic boundaries
Not being clear about our personal values, needs, preferences, qualities, and talents can make it harder to define and know what is acceptable and true for us or not, what is our responsability and what is others. We may be left with an unidentifiable awkwardness when interacting with some people. Here are some examples of what weakens our energetic boundaries :
- we let our boundaries be invaded
- we feel responsible for other people’s life
- we shrink, hide, brush ourselves off
- we let others make us feel guilty or selfish
- we go beyond our personal limits because we couldn’t say no
- we let other’s criticism brings us down
- we turn a blind eye to what is unacceptable to us
- we blame others for our situation
- we don’t recognize our value
- we don’t acknowledge that we are responsible for everything that happens in our life and that we have the power to change what we don’t like
Symptoms of weak boundaries
I believe we respond this way when our self-worth is low and this, in turn, weakens our energetic boundaries. When our energetic boundaries are weakened we can experience some of the following symptoms :
- Being chronically tired and having low energy
- Feeling overwhelmed, and seemingly being asked more & more
- Lack of motivation
- Getting easily angry, resentful and blaming others
- Taking responsibility for what is not ours to take
- Being overly perfectionist
- Easily picking up negative energies
- Developing physical illness / disease / pain
I have come a long way in learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries for myself. I do sometimes slip, however, I feel my life is a lot more balanced than it used to be. As I honor myself, others honor me as well and many aspects of my life have shifted in turn. Here are some techniques you can use to increase and strengthen your boundaries.
Ways to strengthen your boundaries
- Imagine a blue bubble surrounding you. Perceive the bubble as big as your arms extend. When you feel yourself shrinking or being invaded by others, imagine the bubble extending at arm’s length. This bubble prevents negative energies to reach you, but enable love and positive energy to flow in.
- Learn how to say ‘no’ or at least ‘I’ll have to get back to you on that’. Think about what you are trading in order to say yes (time, energy, money, etc..) and make sure you are not saying ‘yes’ in order to please or get approval.
- Be more mindful of the way you are responding or reacting. What is really triggering you? What are the true emotions underneath?
- Increase the health and function of your electromagnetic field & release the energetic distortions that are contributing to weak boundaries (you can work with me on that)
- Use the Emotional freedom technique and ‘tap’ about the different situations that arise.